In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I share my realisation from this summer that I’m tired of chasing. I explore how chasing can look like ambition, tenacity, and persistence (all socially sanctioned qualities we’re rewarded for), but is actually often driven by activation of old wounds and people-pleasing patterns masquerading as drive and determination. I dig into why some of us believe things must be hard to be worthwhile, how we over-identify with certain roles (like being an author or a particular type of worker or person), and the difference between being activated versus genuinely ambitious.
If you’ve ever felt caught on a hamster wheel of achieving without internalising any of it, struggled with the belief that things can’t be easy, or recognised yourself throwing efforts at something while losing sight of why you started, this episode offers both validation and a pathway to coming back to yourself.
IN THIS EPISODE…
- Chasing often masquerades as ambition, tenacity, and persistence. Additionally, society praises us for these qualities even when we’re miserable as a result and might exploit ourselves to demonstrate them. Of course, the real question isn’t whether you’re ‘ambitious’, but why you’re pursuing something and how you’re approaching it. Hence, are you being triggered into proving your worth, or genuinely moving toward aligned desires?
- Efforting as a dominant people-pleasing style breeds exhaustion. Believing making efforts gets you the thing while also proving you’re worthy creates a cycle a vicious cycle. You keep throwing more at situations even when they’re hurting you. This shows up as treating your body like a machine, feeling guilty for resting, and believing that if things come easily, something must be wrong or you’re not trying hard enough.
- Over-identifying with roles narrows your perception of options. This makes it hard to pivot, listen to your body’s signals, or recognise other paths that might suit you better because you’re operating in a narrowed lane rather than the wider space actually available.
- The belief that things must be hard to be worthwhile creates unnecessary suffering. Many of us equate struggle with value, believing, “It’s not love if it doesn’t hurt”, or that ease means you’re being lazy or scamming somehow. This fear of things being easeful keeps us chasing and makes us suspicious of calm, steadiness, and peace, the very things that would actually nourish us.
- Often we’re chasing something we already have in other areas of life, or pursuing things to prove ourselves to people from our past rather than honouring who we are now and want to become.
LINKS MENTIONED AND RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
- Activation: When Someone or Something Activates Old Issues
- Ep. 291: Trusting Myself Through an Unexpected Health Journey
- “Why did you get me to trust you?” Why walls can make us ripe for the charmers…
- Some people habitually jeopardise their relationships in order to feel interest and desire
- Ep. 83: They Just Want Attention, They Don’t Want Your Heart
- Here’s Why I Keep Coming Back
- The Joy of Saying No
- Ep. 121: The Release & Relief of Giving Up On Try-ing
- Ep. 271: We’ve Got to Stop Harming Ourselves with Insane Politeness and Toxic Professionalism
- Ep. 268: Get Out of the Field of Shoulds by Choosing Desire Over Obligation
- Ep. 258: It’s Not Our Job to Meet Our Parents’ Expectations
- Ep. 254: Are You Inadvertently Avoiding a Successful Outcome?
- Ep. 273: Ignoring, Dismissing and Overriding Ourselves Always Leads to Problems
- Are You Hankering for the Zsa Zsa Zu or Chasing a ‘Feeling’?
- Ep. 189: Let’s Talk About Chemistry
- Questioning our complicated ideas about ‘love’ is the loving thing to do
- You’re seeking the feeling, not the thing
- Is it love? Or is it fear, drama and pain?
- Ep. 290: People-Pleasing Styles: What Your Pattern Reveals About Your Past and Present
- Ep. 151: Why Don’t They Like Me?
- There Really Is No Pleasing Unpleasable People, and That’s Okay
- Ep. 58: Tense Times, Family Arrangements Stress, Over-Commitment To Goals
- Ep. 50: Getting Paid What You’re Worth, Knowing When To Fold, Means Goals
- Our stress and anxiety can help us recognise our lack of self-care
- Overcoming Your Fear of Having Standards in Your Relationships
- Ep. 237: ‘Mutual’ Is a Mentality
- Ep. 143: Is An Outdated Version of You Deciding What You’re Capable Of?
- Ep. 228: Learning From Our Problems
- Ep. 164: Am I in The Right Job?
- Ep. 130: Dating Anxiety & Why Efforts Don’t Equal Outcomes
- Ep. 128: Roles – “I Want To Break Free”
- Your Attention is Sacred Except on Social Media
- Ep. 302: Your Attention is Sacred: How Social Media Makes You Shop for Flaws with Amelia Hruby
- Tiny Experiments by Anne-Laure Le Cunff
SUPPORT THE PODCAST
CONNECT WITH ME
- Leave a voice note for the podcast
- Sign up for my newsletter
- Follow me on Instagram
- Follow me on TikTok
- Baggage Reclaim Facebook page
The post Tired of Chasing: How to Tell if You’re Ambitious or Just Activated appeared first on Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue.